wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
