No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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