There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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