Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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