So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize