I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
