I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
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