I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My breasts were aching with rage.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize