he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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