I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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