drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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