come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
