I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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