I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
