Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
People in love make me want to vomit
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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