There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
