he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
