sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
