I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
