If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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