We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
why is half of my head shaved?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
