When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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