If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
