sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
