can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
