we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
