I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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