So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
