im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
