I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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