my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
