Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
