He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
false alarm, still single
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
