I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
