I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
and she was petting her beer can
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize