No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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