Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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