One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize