My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
