And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
