:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
