I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
