i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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