So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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