how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize