Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry DjGoFuckYourself hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(336): View more from North Carolina

We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her

Fav 14 1788 5803
share tweet
(516): View more from New York

How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?

Fav 22 1657 4240
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(419): View more from Ohio

You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster

Fav 9 2952 1381
share tweet
(270): View more from Kentucky

Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.

Fav 7 3140 1187
share tweet
(256): View more from Alabama

He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.

Fav 9 1005 2436
share tweet
(503): View more from Oregon

Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.

Fav 12 2820 928
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(941): View more from Florida

I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�

Fav 3 1510 671
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(727): View more from Florida

Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally

Fav 1 479 373
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(304): View more from West Virginia

There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"

Fav 1 56 11
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT