i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i need some magic done to my vagina
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
