You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize