sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
