dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
