I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I FOUND THE LEGS
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
