I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
