If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
