Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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