I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
