finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
