thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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