I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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