Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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