Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
