i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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