im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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