Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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