Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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