Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
