I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
handjob tips. give me some.
time to smoke my breakfast
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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