I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
