I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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