have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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