those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize